Opioid addiction can have heartbreaking consequences. Friends and family members who are desperately trying to get their loved one help have a front-row seat to the devastation.
Opioids are a class of drugs used to relieve pain. They may be prescribed to treat some forms of chronic pain or pain from an injury or after surgery. But opioids are highly addictive, so they should be used with caution. Opioid addiction can turn lives upside down in a matter of weeks. Most opioid use starts with a legally obtained prescription.
“Contrary to how we tend to view drug use, everyone in the United States who takes an opioid is at risk of becoming addicted,” says Holly L. Geyer, M.D., an internal medicine doctor at Mayo Clinic in Arizona and author of “Ending the Crisis,” a new book from Mayo Clinic Press.
Addiction occurs when the person taking a substance develops a tolerance to it. That means they need more of it to get the same relief or effect.
“What happens is that the wiring that helps you and me make sensible decisions, over time, evolves and gets rewired such that the drug is in control,” Dr. Geyer says.
The person with addiction loses control. They are so desperate for more of the drug that they might hurt people they love. Or they may neglect responsibilities such as going to work or caring for their children. Under other circumstances, where drugs aren’t involved, these would be valid reasons to end a relationship with someone. But when a person has an addiction, they need their loved ones to help them get care.
“The alternative to care and help, from the epidemic perspective, is potentially loss of life. You might be their last lifeline to care,” Dr. Geyer says. “If safe to do so, it’s important to stay by their side and help them through what could be a relapsing disorder.”
Unfortunately, you can’t force someone to acknowledge that they are addicted to opioids or force them to get treatment. And it’s painful to watch the consequences of addiction unfold around you. If a loved one is not willing to seek care, you can still love them and protect yourself. Dr. Geyer offers a guide to navigating the challenges of loving someone who is experiencing addiction.
Educate yourself about addiction
If you’ve never experienced addiction, it can be difficult to understand what your loved one is going through.
“These people are frequently out of control of their own ability to make decisions,” Dr. Geyer says. This can take a toll on relationships, particularly if the person is cheating or stealing or unable to maintain home, work or parenting responsibilities.
One way to gain more empathy is to educate yourself about addiction. The book “Ending the Crisis” from Mayo Clinic Press is intended to be a guide for what to do when you find yourself in the position of loving someone who is addicted to painkillers.
Other research-backed resources include:
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
- National Institute on Drug Abuse
- Your loved one’s health care team
Speak to your loved one respectfully
Everyone deserves love and respect. When sharing your concerns about addiction, try not to be confrontational or accusatory. Instead use “I” statements such as “I am worried about your safety.” People with addiction are often stigmatized, so try to acknowledge your loved one’s feelings and listen without judging.
“When we talk to someone respectfully and we treat them as a person, the real person they are inside, it gives them an opportunity to say, ‘Regardless of my past, I can build a new future,’ and that’s what really is at the heart of treating them with respect,” Dr. Geyer says.
Follow through on consequences
It’s natural to want to help a loved one through a difficult time. But when a person is experiencing addiction, they might need to experience the consequences to recognize that they need help. You also need to protect yourself. That might mean forcing the person out of your house or reporting theft or violent acts to the police.
“This is the hardest part of addiction,” Dr. Geyer says.
She suggests paying attention to how much you might be enabling opioid addiction. Enabling is softening the consequences, making it easier for someone to continue their behavior. It can include:
- “Doctor shopping” to help them get more medication.
- Allowing — or overlooking — substance use in your home.
- Giving them money that is used for drug purchases.
- Creating a stable environment for your loved one to come back to after a night of partying.
“You have the right and the responsibility to keep yourself and your loved ones safe,” Dr. Geyer says. “So if that includes removing that person from the household if that activity is occurring, that is your No. 1 job. You can do this compassionately and you can do this respectfully, but you can also hold your ground.”
Dr. Geyer recommends the book “Boundaries” if you need help setting up these guidelines to protect yourself.
Offer your support
Your loved one might not be ready to accept help, but remind them that when they are ready, you will be there.
But be proactive on arranging help, Dr. Geyer says. Drug activity affects the brain’s frontal lobe, which is responsible for executive function. That means someone experiencing addiction may not be able to handle all the logistics necessary to get into a treatment program.
In the book “Ending the Crisis,” Dr. Geyer offers suggestions on how to find a validated treatment center, make sure it’s covered by insurance, and review the logistics to getting your loved one admitted. The book also shows how to stage an intervention with your loved one.
During the intervention, try to get your loved one to acknowledge that they are experiencing addiction and the need for treatment. They might get defensive or blame you, but assure them that there will be plenty of time to address that. First, you need to get them to treatment.
Get support for yourself and your family
Addiction takes a toll on the entire family and beyond. Not only do loved ones work to get the addicted person into treatment, but also they are left to pick up responsibilities that were dropped, such as doing all the parenting or trying to make up for lost income.
Many treatment centers provide counseling for the entire family, Dr. Geyer says. You also can find support groups or lean on family and friends. Your loved one’s health care team is a good resource for programs in your area. You also can find licensed therapists who know about addiction and specialize in family counseling.
“You cannot do this alone,” Dr. Geyer says. “When you do it alone, you isolate. And there’s actually data that some of these people who become these primary responsible parties turn to drugs and alcohol themselves in order to cope.”
Break the stigma
Drug addiction can come with a harsh stigma, but it’s important to remember that addiction can happen to anyone, and very easily. The disease of addiction is biology gone wrong, and we’re all at risk of that. Don’t be afraid to talk to others about it and share your story. That’s how you can help break the stigma and help prevent other families from going through a similar experience.
Recovery is possible
Many people reach sustained recovery from opioid addiction, and treatments are improving. But relapse is possible. For that reason, opioid addiction should be approached as a lifelong condition. Understanding that helps people make better choices about the medicines they use in the future and helps them avoid other potentially addictive substances. People with addiction need support, and there is hope.
“They can live a meaningful long life with you by their side,” Dr. Geyer says.
Relevant reading
Ending the Crisis
An authoritative guide to understanding the current opioid crisis in America and how it can be solved.
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